Read
Proverbs 29:11, “Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end.”
Think
“When you do things God’s way, you get God’s results.”
What if there was a way to anger-proof your relationships? To protect them from the irreparable harm that often comes with conflict? God has given us biblical principles that can help protect our relationships from our rage.
A – Affirm the relationship – “I want you to know how much your friendship means to me.”
N – Navigate with “I feel” statements and avoid absolute statements – “I feel hurt when you,” “You never,” or “You always.”
G – Gently communicate – Control your volume.
E – Establish resolve – “How can we work on this together?”
R – Release the person – Choose to forgive them.
N – Navigate with “I feel” statements and avoid absolute statements – “I feel hurt when you,” “You never,” or “You always.”
G – Gently communicate – Control your volume.
E – Establish resolve – “How can we work on this together?”
R – Release the person – Choose to forgive them.
Freedom from anger and unforgiveness comes by working through this process in our relationships. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it.
Act
Who do you need to start walking through this process with? Your spouse, a friend, family member, or a coworker? Next time you feel your anger coming on, let it remind you of A-N-G-E-R so that your conversation can bring healing and peace rather than destruction and chaos.
Pray
God, thank you for the relationships you have given me. I want your best in those relationships. When I start to get angry, please help me apply the right A.N.G.E.R. to my relationships. Amen.
Today's Bible Reading
Proverbs 1
2.
A.N.G.E.R
Posted on December 21, 2009 by Questions From God
You may have noticed a progression in the questions God asked to Cain. Let’s take a moment to review the questions:
- Why are you angry?
- And why has your countenance fallen?
- If you do well, will not your countenance be lifted up?
- Where is Abel, your brother?
- What have you done?
Initially, God addressed Cain’s anger and gave him a way to work through it. Then God addressed Cain’s attitude which was a result of his anger and, again, gave him a way to resolve it. Cain disregarded God and his angry disposition moved him to the action of murdering his brother. God then gave Cain a chance to honestly explain and repent. From the very beginning to the very end, Cain resisted. In every step, God offered him a chance to respond. Cain’s anger spiraled from simple anger to a destructive disposition to vicious murder.
This progression gives us useful insight into dealing with our own anger. Each question God asked addressed an escalated level of anger from the one before it. God’s five questions to Cain show us a way to deal with our anger no matter what stage we are in. The acronym A.N.G.E.R. will help us remember the ideas in the five questions.
A – Analyze
Analyze the cause of your anger by answering God’s question, “Why are you angry?” This is the stage where anger is something you can use to help identify problems. There is no sin in this stage, but if you don’t resolve your anger, you will sin.
N – Notice
Notice the effect your anger is having on yourself and others. Answer God’s question, “And why has your countenance fallen?” Notice how anger affects your mood, the words you use, and the choices you make. This is where the line has been crossed and sin is present.
G – Go with God
“If you do well, will not your countenance be lifted up? If we don’t address our anger quickly, we may find ourselves to be the victims of our own “fallen countenances.” The solution: do what is right! If we obey God, our countenances will be lifted up! We will experience the joy that comes from pleasing God.
E – Explain
Explain to God what you did, what sinful action you took. Explain how it affected others. Instead of evading God’s question “Where is your brother Abel?” Cain should have explained to God what had happened. If we allow our anger to move us to sinful action, we need to explain to God what we have done as a confession to Him.
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R – Repent
Our hearts should resound with God’s question, “What have you done?” When we recognize our sin for what it is, we will grieve over it. We will experience a deep sorrow and a desire to change and do what is right. We must allow ourselves to go through this grieving process and then move on with thankfulness for God’s forgiveness.
I have heard it said that negative actions stem from one or more of the three basic emotions: guilt, fear and anger. We’ve already seen guilt and fear from Adam and now we see anger with Adam’s son, Cain. Anger is often the firstborn child of guilt and fear.
These three basic negative emotions (guilt, fear, and anger) have continued through the centuries, and we see them at work today. The amazing thing is that God has given us insight into how to deal with them, so that we can escape their destructive influence. Whenever we are faced with one of these emotions, we should allow God to work in our hearts as we respond honestly and specifically to His questions. The answers to our struggles have been here for us right from the beginning. Our answers are found in God’s questions.
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